All Apologies

As a single dad, I like to think that there's nothing I can't do.  I can be the dad I want to be and I can do it without any help.  I can be Superdad.  I like to think that.  It doesn't always work out that way.

This winter I took my children snow skiing for the first time.  I figured I could teach the kids myself.  I taught them to swing and to ride their bikes without training wheels, after all.

We began on the bunny slope with me trying to ski beside them, but that just didn't work, so I took off my skis and would run beside or behind them, not too unlike it was when I taught them to ride their bikes.  One would ski down while the other would ride the people-mover up.  And I would run up the hill in my ski boots to help the next one down.  Those boots were not made for running, but that's just what they did.  We ended our time on the bunny slope after my daughter, unable to stop, ran in to another learner and injured her a bit - just enough that the adult with that person was very mad at my daughter.  So I got mad at my daughter.  I didn't want people to think that I didn't take slope safety seriously.  After crashing in to someone and having me yell at her my daughter's self-confidence was fairly well shattered.  I figured that would be a good time to take a lunch break.  I apologized to her at lunch, but she was less than enthusiastic when we went out to take the chairlift up to the top of the easy slope where we had more room than on the bunny slope.

We made it off of the lift and I tried, first, to help my daughter down.  She did well and skied down to the lift ok, as did my son.  But the lift line had a downward slope.  Neither of my kids knew how to "stand" in the snow without skiing.  One slid left, the other right, both crying "Daddy!" while I tried to tell them what to do to keep from sliding and running in to more people.  It didn't work and I lost my temper.  I got mad at both of them, probably created a bit of a scene, and had to walk away for a moment.

I was crushed.  I knew what I had done.  I knew I had set a bad example, embarrassed myself, let down my kids, and, in short, failed.  And I couldn't undo any of it.  This doesn't happen to Superdad.  I'm supposed to be able to do it all.  But I couldn't.  I figured things out after this and later apologized to both children individually.  We ended up having a great time

Here's the point: our children learn from us - for better or for worse.  When we get mad, they learn how to get mad.  But when we apologize, they learn to apologize.  They need to see us make mistakes - which works well, because I make more than I'd like - and they need to see how we handle it.  When we fail, they need to see us recover.  They need to learn humility from us.  They need to learn selflessness from us.  They also need to know that they don't have to be able to do it all.  It's okay to fail.  The only way to never fail is to never try, and we don't really have that option as parents - and particularly as single parents.

Don't be too proud to apologize to your child.  Don't be too proud to let them know you made a mistake.  When we apologize and make mistakes, they learn that it's okay to do both.  Superman knows his limits and weaknesses.  Superdad needs to do the same - though our limits and weaknesses are far more numerous!

My children both rallied around me in the end and I was proud of them.  They both learned to ski.  They both did great and have never mentioned my momentary lapse of reason.  While they may have seen a bad example of how to handle frustration, they saw a good example of how to handle failure and how to own up to your behavior and mistakes.

Be real with your children.  Be humble.  Be selfless and apologize when necessary.  If they don't see it from us, they may never learn it from anyone else.