Do Your Job

As a former soccer player and goalkeeper, I have been enjoying watching the 2014 World Cup.  Two performances stand out so far form this tournament - Guillermo Ochoa of Mexico, and Tim Howard of the United States.  In the first knockout game for the US, Belgium won 2-1 in extra time, but all the news was about Tim Howard and his World Cup record 16 saves - even though his team lost.  In spite of the defeat that knocked the United States team out of the 2014 World Cup, all the talk was of Tim Howard and his amazing performance in the tournament.

A game like the US had versus Belgium is a tough one for a goalkeeper to swallow.  On one hand, he turned in a record setting performance.  On the other hand, he gave up two goals and his team lost.  There's reason for pride and satisfaction, and there's reason for frustration.

This reminds me a lot of divorce and the transition to being a single parent.  I think it's fair to say that the break-up of a marriage can be seen as a loss or a failure.  It's frustrating, to say the least.  But it opens up the door to the awareness of all the little victories that you didn't know you were capable of - getting the kids out the door and to school on time (properly dressed, and with lunches and homework!), getting them to a doctor appointment, diagnosing and helping them get rid of an ailment, teaching them a new skill, etc.  Dads aren't always known for these things - but we're fully capable of achieving them.

As fathers, our instinct is to protect and teach our children.  We're the keepers of their hearts, their minds, and their bodies, in many ways - especially for those of us with daughters.  We cannot dwell on the things that would otherwise be perceived as failures.  We can't stop all the bad or negative things.  But part of our job - and two of our goals - is to do our best to (1) stop anything that may hurt or interfere with our children, and (2) set them up for success in the present and the future - just as a goalkeeper is tasked with keeping the opponent from scoring and setting up his team for the best possible chance at a goal in the way that he distributes the ball downfield.

You can look back at your marriage and life and see a failure.  It's easy to do - especially when you have to fill in that line "Marital Status" on so many forms.  Or you can look at each little victory you have as a father and focus on how many saves you have made and all the times you have set your kids up for success.  You won't stop everything, but do your best and never stop making the effort.

A big difference between a soccer game and the divorced life is that the loss happens at the beginning and the saves follow.  We can give up when we find out the marriage is over and leave our kids undefended and without assistance.  Or we can buckle down and realize that our job still exists and that there is a game within the game.  A failed marriage - or failure as a husband - is not synonymous with a failed parent, or failure as a father.

Watch these elite goalkeepers as they do their job.  They defend their goal at all costs.  They challenge the attackers.  They make it their responsibility to make sure every throw or kick has maximum potential to set up their teammates for success.  They put themselves at risk and injury is not uncommon.  They do it because that's their job - even when their team may seem hopelessly down and even if the rest of their team is not performing to expectations.  Look at them and be that kind of father.

• Be reliable and be ready
• Defend your children at all costs.  
• Challenge anything that threatens them.  
• Do everything you can do to set them up for success both today and later in life.  

It's your job - don't stop, do it well, and do it for your children.  They need you.  Be there for them.