American Ninja Father

My kids and I enjoy watching American Ninja Warrior together.  If you're not familiar with it, it's a high-powered obstacle course with stations that test the contestant's strength and agility.  One reason I enjoy watching it with my kids (a 9 year old boy and a 12 year old girl) is that it teaches valuable life lessons and also entertains.  As fathers, I believe we're to be teachers, and it's a win any time you can teach your kids and be entertained at the same time.

One Shot
Each contestant gets one shot at the course.  There is no second chance - not until next year.  If you fall, if you slip, if you are injured - that's it.  "Almost" doesn't count.  What counts is finishing or getting the farthest the fastest.

For us divorced dads, we've obviously stumbled in some way in the past.  It may or may not have been our fault, but it doesn't change the outcome.  We do get a second chance, but not without more work and risk.  There is very little room for error in being a parent and the stakes are high.  When we fail, we have to learn more, be more patient, try harder, and focus more intently.

For our children, they will make mistakes.  They need to know that while there are second chances, there are also consequences.  If your mistake was an accident or not - it doesn't matter.  It was your fault or was someone else's - it doesn't matter.  Even if you tried really hard - it doesn't matter.  The consequences are the same.  There are additional opportunities, but they need to learn that these momentary failures pave the road to long term success.

Unpredictability
While each course in American Ninja Warrior features some familiar elements, they feature new elements as well.  The contestants never know what their course will look like until they actually arrive to compete.  They may have trained specifically for elements that aren't there.  And they may have never considered, much less trained for, elements that are there

For us divorced dads, clearly we have encountered elements in life for which we never planned.  There were also things for which we thought we had planned, but didn't do well enough.  The lesson for us is that we can't predict the lives of us or our children.  We have to be prepared with certain principles of life, relationships and faith.  We have to recognize our weaknesses and strengthen them, focus on our strengths as much as possible, and exercise our best judgement at all times in order to keep moving.

For our children, the lessons are much the same.  Life is not predictable.  They must understand that they can't be good at everything, but they have to be prepared to handle anything.  They need to learn to use their strengths and to recognize and allow for their weaknesses.  Most of all, they need to learn how to exercise good judgement in all circumstances.  One of the lessons American Ninja Warrior teaches is that the best results are obtained when both technique and strength are used together wisely.

No Special Treatment
Everyone runs the same course and is held to the same standards - male, female, old, young, muscular, trim, short, tall, large, small, veteran, or rookie.  There are no exceptions, no accommodations, and there is no special treatment.

We divorced dads have faced some obstacles that many fathers haven't.  But it ultimately doesn't matter.  We're still parents and we're still working to raise our children, just the same as a married father.  Our marital status doesn't matter, nor does our income, the frustrations of divorce, or anything else.  A father is a father, and raising a child is raising a child.  Anything else is an excuse that can limit our ability to be the best father we can be to our children.

Our children will learn that there are exceptions - girls play on different teams, sports are divided by ages, etc.  But once they enter the real world, that all ends.  You can't count on anyone to give you a break because of who you are or are not.  Those who do not expect any special treatment will go the farthest and do the best.  Our children need to learn that what may be perceived as weaknesses don't matter - life places the same demands on all.  They need to learn that things that may be perceived as weaknesses that would limit them should be treated as challenges to be overcome and that will subsequently strengthen them.  They can learn by watching us overcome the obstacles of divorce and single parenting.  Set the example and be the best role model they have for overcoming.

No Comparison
Watch the show and you'll see that you can't judge a book by its cover.  The most muscular men do not always do the best.  Many times it's those who wouldn't draw a second look in the gym who excel.  The smaller women may also go farther than the larger men.  Everyone runs the same course.  It's the results that matter - not how you look or what people think about you.

For us divorced dads, it's easy to get caught up comparing ourselves with others - those who seem happily married, those who seem more financially secure, those who have good relationships with their ex.  First, what we see is not always what is.  Sometimes the one who seems the happiest may in fact have a non-existent relationship with his children.  The man who seems most financially secure may be so income-driven that he doesn't take the time with his children that they need.  Second, other people simply don't matter when it comes to how we perform as a father.  All that matters is our performance and how well we do.  Our kids may have a step-parent, we are still the only father our children will have and we need to conduct ourselves at all times with that in mind.

For our children, the lessons are the same.  How the other children appear simply doesn't matter when it comes to how our children perform.  Our kids needs to learn that their greatest challenge comes from themselves - having confidence in themselves, challenging themselves, being happy with themselves.  There will always be a child that is better than them at something.  We need to teach our children that their greatest and only goal is to be the best person they can be, and the only measure that matters is against who they were yesterday.


American Ninja Warrior may not be everyone's preference for television, but the lessons to be learned - by both our children and by us - are significant.  Certainly it's not a perfect metaphor for life - life is unfair, there is favoritism, and people cheat to get ahead.  But you can't dwell on those things.  The core lessons still apply.  Be their teacher.  Be their example and role model.  Don't coddle them - challenge them.  Show them by example how to compete and how to overcome.  You only get one shot.  Do it well.


Andrew Karsen exercises with his son and talks about the struggles of life


Improvisation and creativity, overcoming adversity, and never quitting:


The first female to qualify for the finals, 5'0" 100lb Kacy Catanzaro: