The Pursuit of Happiness

"I deserve to be happy."  I hear that a lot these days - especially as a divorced parent.  We're advised to take care of ourselves and do what makes us happy.  There's a lot of good in that advice, but there can be some bad, too.  With the exception of mental health issues and violence, it's likely the majority of us are divorced because our ex (and perhaps us as well) decided to do what made them happy - affairs, drugs, alcohol, excessive spending, irresponsible behavior, general selfishness, etc. 

That advice can be problematic because it's not just us anymore.  We have kids.  It's probably a fair bet that there are many very happy parents out there (divorced or married) who have very unhappy kids.  Once we become a parent, we're responsible for them.  We are responsible for who they will become. Yes, we should take care of ourselves - physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  But never at the expense of our children. Our first responsibility is still to them.  That's what parents do. Part of being a parent is sacrifice.  We give up part of our freedom and independence when we become a parent.  But that's a good thing.  That time, money and energy is spent on raising a child.  It's spent on growing that now-little or young person into the man or woman that will eventually become someone's husband or wife, father or mother.  It's a privilege.

We do very much need to take care of ourselves - but it's easy to go to the extreme with our kids and neglect our own well-being, and we should be very attentive to how it impacts our children.  The pursuit of our own happiness can easily lead to our children's unhappiness.

Another thought along these same lines but from a different perspective - if we deserve the right to be happy, doesn't everyone - including our ex?  Did they not deserve that same right when we were married?  I know that may be an extreme example, but the point is that there is a line at which one person's pursuit of happiness comes at the expense of others - spouse, partner, children, etc.

The bottom-line is that there's more to life than the pursuit of our own happiness.  There is raising happy, healthy kids.  There is being a responsible parent.  There is making wise decisions that benefit our children, even if it's at our own expense. Those things can bring their own level of happiness.  Take care of yourself, yes.  Enjoy yourself.  But don't do it at the expense of your children.  Nothing is worth that.

There is no greater happiness a man can know than being a father to his children.  That's the happiness we should pursue - our children.