If It Makes You Happy

There's an old song by Sheryl Crow where the chorus goes "If it makes you happy - it can't be that bad."  It's a catchy little tune, but it's very much not true.  If you ask any divorced person - male or female - almost every one would tell you that they're divorced because their spouse basically did whatever made them happy.  This is one of the most destructive lies we can buy into.

I'm going to reference some Biblical principles, but they still hold true even if you're not a Christian, are of another religion, or even if you're an atheist.  Some principles are just universal, even if you don't acknowledge the first point (though I'd be remiss to say that committing to the first point makes the other two fall into place more easily).  So if we don't shoot for doing what makes us happy, what do we do?

1. Do what brings God glory.  Do what puts the focus on Him, not on yourself.  Do what furthers His kingdom, not your own kingdom.  And a big part of it is something we can all agree on no matter religion or outlook, and that's the next point.
2. Look out for others.  Put others before you.  Particularly when it comes to your family.  If at work,  does it benefit your coworkers and/or the company - or just you?  At play, does it benefit your team and teammates - or just you?  And at home, does it benefit your family/children - or just you?
3. Take care of yourself.  Keep yourself in good health.  If you're a Christian - strengthen your relationship with God.  If you're not - strengthen your understanding of who you are.  Make yourself stronger - physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  Eat well.  Get some exercise.  Read a book.  Learn something new.  If you need counseling - get it.  If you have an addiction - give it up.  If you need help with that - get it.  If you need support - reach out for it.  If you don't know what to do - ask someone.

Almost every divorce begins with selfishness - pursuing what makes self happy without regard for others.  It's against our nature.  But to be a better father, we have to learn to put ourselves lower on the priority list.  If nothing else, our children - and our family, if still married - come first.  Period.  Getting back at the ex may feel good, but it's not good for the kids.  Getting a babysitter for the kids on the weekend you have them so you can have a date may feel good.  But to the kids, you're putting someone before them.  You're neglecting them.  Opting out of disciplining the kids on your few days together will certainly keep things happy.  But it's not good for the kids.  They need discipline - it's your responsibility as a father.  Telling your kids "not now" while you're watching "the game" or your favorite TV show tells them that there is something more important to you than them.  Turning it off and spending time with them tells them that they are the most important - especially if they know your love for your team.

Doing what makes you happy may have gotten you in to this situation.  Or maybe it was your spouse doing so.  Or perhaps it was both of you.  Doing what makes you happy can be that bad.  It can be very bad.  Keep your priorities in line and it will fall in to place.