7 Things a Son Needs from His Father

This is from a post on AllProDad.com, but I tailored it a bit for us divorced dads.

1. He needs you to respect his mother
   This is the hardest, but perhaps the most important, element for us divorced dads.  Some divorced couples are amicable, and some are downright hostile.  Many fall in between.  But regardless of your feelings toward your ex, or hers toward you, she is and will always be his mother.  You need to respect that.  Encourage him to obey and respect her.  Build her up as his mother.  How you treat his mother can impact how he treats women as he grows.  How you conduct this relationship can impact how he learns to conduct his own relationships.  He already knows you no longer love each other - you're divorced after all.  But he needs to see respect and to learn that from you.
2. He needs to see you fail - not just succeed
   Face it - we're divorced.  So in varying ways we have all failed.  We may have cheated, had addiction issues, had mental struggles such as depression, or had anger issues.  But even if we didn't have those things and our ex was the primary transgressor, marriage is still a two-way street and no spouse is ever without responsibility.  Man up with your son.  Let him know how you failed (with the appropriate details at the appropriate age).  Let him learn from your mistakes.  Let him see how a man handles responsibility, failure and success.  Don't be afraid to admit your shortcomings or your past.  Set the example on humility, responsibility, and maturity.
3. He needs your leadership
   This may seem easy when you're divorced.  You're obviously no longer the leader of the joint home with his mother.  But you're still his father.  Be his father, not just his playmate or best buddy.  Teach him - don't just entertain him.  He will learn from you.  Want to raise a leader?  Show him leadership.
4. He needs you to be present
   Well, we can't always do that.  But when you can be there - be there.  When you can't be there - call, text, Email, Skype - do whatever you can.  Ask him about his events and activities.  Show up even if you can't spend any time with him.  He needs to know you care - so you need to be there.
5. He needs your love regardless of his choices
   Give him options and opportunities and let him find his own way.  When he finds something he likes, encourage it - even if it was his mom's idea.  Even if he doesn't like the things you like and he prefers the things his mom likes.  You're not here to raise a little you.  You're here to raise a unique little individual.  Encourage him.  Love him.  Period.
6. He needs you to affirm him
   Children of divorce are particularly susceptible to self-doubts and feelings of inadequacy.  There has been a lot that has happened that they don't understand.  Tell him every chance you get that you love him.  Tell him that he's good at what he's doing.  Encourage him.  Don't obsess with what your ex may be telling him about you.  You can't control her - you can only control you.  Be a loving, affirming, encouraging dad.
7. He needs you to discipline him in love
   When you only have your son for a weekend, it's difficult to enforce discipline.  For example, you've been planning a trip to the waterpark, he does something disobedient, and you threaten him that if he does it again you won't go to the waterpark.  Then he does it again.  You must be consistent.  You have to provide discipline.  As much as it stinks for both of you in your limited time together, you need to provide consistent discipline.  A common misconception is that discipline should hurt.  That's not the case.  Discipline should teach.  There are consequences to actions, and he needs to understand that.  You need to teach him how to make the right decisions and that there are consequences to bad decisions.  Do not lash out in anger.  It's hard when we don't have a spouse to take over when we get frustrated or aggravated.  If you need to, step a way for a moment, compose yourself, and then address the issue.  Discipline him in love, not in anger.

The original article can be found here at AllProDad.com.